A Clockwork Orange

What do you call the XXX version of a Clockwork Orange?

A Clockwork Orange

Bad Jokes aside, gee wiz has it been awhile since I’ve done a review. That one reader in the past 48 hours is probably thinking “Boy not again”.

Yes, Again.

A Clockwork Orange.

I adore Kubrick.

Dr. Strangelove and Full Metal Jacket. Oh, and Paths of Glory. And the Killing AND THE SHINING.

That left one major one, A Clockwork Orange.

First thing is the films very open portrait of rape. This is going to sound awkwardly sexual, but I enjoyed the dark tone the film had at this point countered by the cuckoo music. Wait, that didn’t sound that sexual at all. Oh well..

7/10

Far from his best.

Anyway, the whole think felt really dated and cheap (Which it is)

The whole style of the film really didn’t do it for me. It seemed cheesy at points. The same effect could really of been pulled of without the occasional character having blue hair, which now kind of happens a lot but still.

The story was good. Lots of political and social satire. Four words thrown around a lot these days to thinks that really don’t deserve them (Hunger games….) but a Clockwork Orange kind of fits. Kind of.

A lot of praise generated from the character Arc of Alex. He went from a murderer to a nice guy that you’d bring home to your parents. So many praised this transition. I didn’t feel it that much. It was very direct. Granted that went completely with the story OH SO HOW IS THAT BAD well maybe the story was just not that good.

As for the nudity and violence thing, there was really no graphic violence and who doesn’t like a little nippy nippy now and then? Other than Sara Palin

Birdemic

I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to watch Birdemic. 

I cannot remember the exact point of consciousness where I thought it would be a good idea. But half way through I had this strange moment of clarity, realizing what I was doing to myself by watching this film.

But it made me feel sorry for James Nguyen. 

The guy just cannot get rid of this piece of cinema. A billion years from now, when we’re all laying in our coffins, whenever someone brings up his name, he’ll be the guy that made Birdemic. 

That pour devil. 

I’m not even going to list the negatives and positives

1/10 

A rant worth of reading (Actually probably not)

I come to my loyal readers (A lot of people I know) to talk about something that has been bothering me for a while. They’re two folks, Named Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

I hate these two. I hate them. I hate them.

I know that there are probably people out there who think they are cool, but they disgust me.

There are people in the film making capitals of the world right now with great ideas and talent. They are people much like I, who enjoy telling stories via a cinema screen. Jason and Aaron are just like them, minus one big difference.

Quality

Now Birdemic is a crappy movie, but it was shot with a 10 000 dollar budget.

Jason and Aaron have no excuse.

There is thousands of people right now with great movie ideas or scripts that I or any of my many loyal readers (Oh the joke again) would love to watch and would enjoy, but they aren’t getting the shot.

Meanwhile these two idiots are making cinema’s worst movies and making a fair deal of chump change for some of the worst plots on planet earth.

So by some off chance one of you two bozos reads this all I have to say to you is this: You get one shot at life. Eventually we all get kicked off this reality TV show. You’ll be no exception. But when you’re gone, you’ll leave behind a legacy of crappy movies. Congratulations, my friends. In one hundred years few will remember you, and those who do will think “Oh the shitty movie guys”. Meanwhile, those thousand people with the good ideas never get the shot.

Eagle vs Shark

You probably clicked on this blog post thinking “Cool he’s going to see who would win in a fight between an Eagle and a Shark”

If that is you, leave now. You’ll be disappointed. Even if that isn’t you, you should probably leave now, for the same reason.

So I don’t even know. I don’t even know why I decided to watch this movie (Eagle vs. Shark).

And I don’t know why I decided to review it. Here is why:

1. 0 readers in the past 48 hours (yeah!)

2. I don’t think anyone else has seen this film.

Anyway, the first thing you need to know is it is a New Zealand film.  I have a very limited exposure to New Zealand cinema. I wasn’t expecting much, but I got surprised.

The movie has a great love story between two awkward characters named Lily and Jarrod. This is normally where I’d list the actors that played them, but I figure no one is probably reading this and moreover no one who for some reason is in fact reading it really cares.

It drew an instant comparison to an American film in my mind: Napoleon Dynamite. The awkward characters living a kind of sad life (Look who’s talking :(,) then a romantic plot ensures in the middle of hilarity. Well hilarity wasn’t really the right word there. Some humor, more then any Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie will ever give anyone. Of course that can also be said about the Human Centipede Two. Regardless, good humor,

Negatives, of course! Plot is on the weak side, but in a strange way this is also a plus. Complicity is something a movie doesn’t always need, so I’m just going to negate this point entirely. Then why even mention it? I really do not know.

The ending made me angry. I won’t spoil it, because I encourage all zero of my readers to go out and watch this movie. It was a decent ending, but at the same time, it wasn’t. Read into that all you like.

+New Zealand style’

+Good characters

+Napoleon Dynamite feel

-Ending

6.9/10

Very good. Exceeded expectations exponentially.

The Good, The Bad and this Review

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

“You see in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.”

Tuco digs, I review.

So review away!

Now that the unbearable built up is finally over, let’s get to it.

There is a lot of praise circulating earth land in regards to this movie, the cool western thriller starring none other than the infamous Clint Eastwood. And Clint is indeed infamous. He plays his character “Blondie” in such a way that makes you just like the guy.

Generally speaking, I don’t think the movie watcher is supposed to like Tuco. I mean the guy is a dirty rat. As much as he calls Blondie a dirty rat, he himself is indeed a dirty rat. But I just said that, so why am I repeating it? That dictates the quality of this blog.

Tuco has the most screen time out of the three (Tuco, Blondie and Angle Eyes) and Eli Wallach plays him perfectly. Despite the fact that he tried to kill Blondie and essentially tortured him through a horrific desert march in the heat, I still like the guy.

I really cannot review this movie without mentioning the opening them. It’s really good. I don’t know why I had to say that, I just did.

Continuing with Tuco, he isn’t a likeable character, but he was at the same time. What? How is that even possible? Blondie and Tuco sort of become this odd couple, and due to the brilliant plot of each knowing a piece of significant info as to where the 200 thousand dollars is, they are forced to extend their partnership beyond simply cheating damn sheriffs out of bounty money.  This made me like them the most and like ‘The bad’ the least.

So the ending was great. A three way standoff ending with a blank rock. Afterwards I felt the need to play cowboy, which of course I did not do because I am a grown man. So after an unexplained absence from my computer I returned and Googled some facts about the film. Surprisingly enough, people weren’t too pleased with it when it came out.  Most cited excessive violence as their reasoning. This was an audience un-introduced to Django Unchained. I would really love to hear what they would have thought about that one.

But of course, there are negatives. The film is really long. Of course I did have the extended version but still. Some might argue that this isn’t a negative and I’d agree. There is NO issue with length as long as the movie doesn’t get boring. This movie did get a little slow at times and that is a negative. In case anyone was wondering, this movie has a tone of voice over done in the English version, so that is why lips and speech seldom match up.

Anyway, leeeeeeeeeeets Rate er’

+Quality Characters

+Great plot

+Tuco the terrific

-Longevity

8.8/10

Solidly magnificent cinema AND Mr. Davis’ favorite film.

I took a day off

So, we are bottoming out at a solid five views. If anyone ever reads this post, I’ll be surprised.

I took a day off, so it seemed fitting that the next movie be Ferris Bueller’s day off.

I truly enjoyed it. John Hughes continues to amaze me. The movie world is full of violence and gore, and John Hughes’ movies are full of feels and high school kids.

Ferris is no exception.

Matthew Broderick is a little off at times but his disputable charm really makes up for it. Matthew Broderick stole the show, but his friend Cameron (Played by Alan Ruck) was great too. It was just plain fun. The final scene, with Ferris racing to get back to his house in time was beautiful, it was all great.

But there is always negatives.

Matthew Broderick, as I previously mentioned seemed a little off at points. Moreover, the comedy element was hardly there, then again the Ducking Academy seldom laughs.

Overall, solid flick,

+Matthew Cuterick

+John Hughes’ style

+Ending scene

-Matthew is a bit off

-Comedy is so-so

8.3/10