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“What’s your name?”

“Trouble”

Yeah, that line is really cool. I mean, I never have been pestered by a religious freak in an airport before, but in Miami Blues, which if you can’t take subtle clues is the movie I am reviewing, Alec Baldwin sure was.

A Baldwin Bias exists in the Ducking Academy. A positive one at that. And this movie (Miami Blues) has Alec Baldwin in it. It also has him wearing very little clothing, like 14 different times. I mean, there is nothing wrong with it, it was just kind of off putting. Now I even regret mentioning it in the first place, but what the hell.

So the movie centers around this crazy Alec Baldwin character who pretends to be a cop after stealing a badge. He uses the badge to his advantage, steeling things and such. Kind of lame, but it was done well. He marries a hooker, which immediately made me think of True Romance. Afterwards he gets in all sort of crazy adventures until the good guy cop who has no front teeth brings him down.

The first scene, as I mentioned takes place in an airport. Alec Baldwin’s character breaks this religious preacher guys’ finger. The preacher falls on the ground and begins convulsing. Okay, he has a low pain threshold. Nothing wrong with that. Then he starts really convulsing. Then he dies.

What?

He died of a broken finger? I mean its got to hurt but people have been, you know, shot before and been okay.

So then we get introduced to his soon to be wife, a hooker by the name of Pepper. That was weird for me, because Pepper isn’t really a hooker name. It’s more of a homosexual man name, not that there’s anything wrong with that, Philadelphia is one of my favorite movies.

So then we find out her actual name is Suzanne then they fall in love and she is naked 75% of the time in the first half of the movie. Which is okay I guess. She’s a mildly attractive woman. Then she starts talking. I really didn’t like her. A bit of a, hum, a dolt. Pepper or Suzanne is played by Jennifer Leigh who I thought I recognized from somewhere although this is the first movie I’ve seen her in. It really drove me crazy.

So when the second half starts, Baldwin’s character, who’s name by the way is Junior, gets a police badge. He then runs around town pretending to be a cop, then when people trusts him he steals their shit. It’s kind of lame. Nothing really emotional happens. Just a lot of killing. Junior always seems to be at the wrong place wrong time. Wherever he is, there is some guy robbing someone. Little too perfect.

One of those ‘too perfect’ scenes involves Junior at a lunch room. It gets robbed, he pulls out a gun, shoots the robber, then yells “Stop or I’ll shoot!”. Shouldn’t that of came BEFORE you shot the guy in the leg? Cheesy, bad line.

Character wise, they all kind of sucked. The one guy I did kind of enjoy was the protagonist, a cop that hunts Junior down. His front teeth thing worked well into the story line, surprisingly enough.

So rating time….

+Teeth

+A good character

+Alec Baldwin

-Bad Characters (For the most part)

-Cheesy

-Double Cheesy

-Little too perfect

-Weak plot

-Bubble of a leading female character

6/10

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